2004-09-14 - 6:07 p.m.
I am in a good mood for no reason! I feel giggles bubbling and bubbling in my belly! This is so fun because I have felt so sick and blah for a week and now I am happy and energetic again. Even the congestion feels a little toned down.
I like people. I really do. I usually like every single person I meet. I like to talk to people and hang out with them and get to know them and be a silly goof-off to them. At work, new people keep coming and I keep making friends and liking my coworkers more and more. They all think I am very strange and I guess it would definitely seem that way from the outside but I like to keep people entertained.
I made our shift manager* institute a policy of a company "secret notebook" where everyone can write their secrets (a la Amanda Albrecht, LPHS). The rule is you can't look through it unless you add another one of your secrets. In less than a week, we already have over three full pages! And it is getting juicy! I love people for their secrets and their truths and I think it is fun to give people the chance to think of themselves as mysterious and zany (but at the same time risk being honest) all in a safe, fun way.
I am going to go finish reading my dad's letters now. They put me in a mood yesterday. I guess it would be hard to describe. Of course reading them it was inevitable that I would compare them to the letters Spencer and I have exchanged. They were so, so different though. Of the many things it made me feel, it made me feel so so young. I am young. I don't think every love should be the same (I don't think any love really ever could be) but I guess it made me think about what my parents' relationship was (is?) that Spencer and I don't have yet. I don't want to sound discontent (I am not discontent) but...
well, it reminds me of how I feel a lot of the time at school. I love college, love learning, love the people I'm around, enjoy so much of what there is but I always feel disconnected from people because, ultimately, what is most important to me is not really something anyone (or the majority of people) else has more than a surface understanding of. It is lonely and it feels a little like being untrue to myself. Maybe just leaving something important out.
And I don't think I am leaving something important out now so much as having to wait before I can fully talk about it. And the waiting is killing me (because as I mentioned yesterday--I am not patient!)! Plus waiting for something doesn't necessarily mean that it will come.
Anyhow, all these decongestant types of drugs make me wiped out so if I take one now I may end up sleeping through dinner. All in the name of health, though! *I can get him to do pretty much whatever...which is odd. Sometimes I think maybe he really does have a crush on me or something and it mostly just feels uncomfortable.
