2005-02-17 - 6:17 p.m.
the sun was an old man who just decided to stay in bed... So I haven't written in here since the one time I wrote the most personal/honest diary entry I've ever written (on diaryland or even in my real life paper journal) and then I deleted it the next morning. I am only writing in here now to procrastinate writing this essay a little bit more. It has been hanging over my head for weeks. I have been so stressed out but not doing anything (productive) about it. I feel so weird about everything right now. I am blaming it on the stress of this essay. Spencer will be here in less than three weeks. Spencer is my boyfriend again? I think he thinks so. I guess that means I think so too. No, he said so. So we both know so. It just feels less decided than that to me. Maybe because I haven't talked to him at all about how I feel since he said he wanted to make a straightforward, exclusive commitment to me for the long term. Maybe because I...[Spencer: do you read this diary ever?] Time goes by so quickly here in Scotland. I love it here. I love being here. Sanctuary. If I believed life could provide sanctuary...I guess this is as close as it comes. The ice cream trucks sell cigarettes. Enough of this. I have to work on this essay for at least five hours tonight.
