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2005-04-10 - 1:55 p.m.

I don't think it really works for me to have a diaryland account. It will never be a natural way for me to communicate, no matter how much I want it to be. It's convenient as anything, a good way to keep in touch. It's easy to type type type out my thoughts, but in the thinking I am not quite myself. I can only ever start to break through when I sit down for hours and just type, then toward the end I do okay. I think. I am better at expressing myself in letters. Sometimes even e-mails. I am better at writing in a paper journal to myself. In some ways, I am even better over the phone, or talking in person. Pretty much anything is better than me trying to write in an online journal, at least when I consider who reads it (or who I assume reads it).
Funny for me, who used to always and still often thinks about 'being a writer.' There are a lot of commonalities between writing like this and writing for general publication. Though I am pretty sure that if I write for publication (whether it would ever get published or not is a separate issue), it wouldn't be the same sort of content as what I figure I should put in here.
Currently, I have a lot to think about. I have a lot I feel the need to consciously think about, work out, write about, discuss (probably just with myself). In my ideal diaryland experience, I would write everything up here and wouldn't worry about people gossiping or not and then my friends would respond and it would all be helpful for me.
I am excited for the summer to come.

 

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